Dear Zanzibar,
Pray forgive this intrusion into your studies, but my extensive time at sea has had such a profound impact on my world view that I must needs unload the burden of these startling discoveries lest my heart burst from my chest in anxious wonder! You, being from a part of the world so alien to us Northerners that even the stars pattern themselves in homage to gods unknown to us - you, so far from home that your soul must be overwhelmed with longing - you, who speak of the wondrous herbal treasures and strange, spicy foods of your homeland ... well, I just knew you'd be interested in what I had to say.
I will not quibble with you, Zanzibar, but I shall be as direct and forthcoming as you have always known me to be, and all I ask is that you consider my plan in all its daring and audacity and vision.
For the world is round, Zanzibar, round! It is a great ball that hangs in the heavens, and so certain I am of my hypothesis that I am willing to embark on the greatest of voyages to prove it, and what is more, I shall want to take you with me!
Yes, Zanzibar, you understand the implications, don't you? I say again that the world is round and though you traveled over mountains and desert and gods know what to reach our frosted lands, I have every reason to believe that your return could be a direct dash across the Western sea, a voyage of mere weeks instead of months! No Egyptians or Romans or Greeks to quibble with over safe passage, no highway robbers to protect yourself against, no silk road to traverse in turtle-paced caravans, none of these! No, your homeland lies SouthWest, my good man. Like an arrow, we shall draw from the port of Bordeaux and loose ourselves into the sea, straight and sure and swift to your home, making landfall on your shores with no stops in between.
I reckon the circumference of this great ball on which we live and die to be some 6000 leagues, and our journey no more than 1/4 of this distance, perhaps 4500 miles as the crow flies or the Aelfbane sales. Though a Teleport can land you on your home soil in the blink of an eye, only the mundane arts of modern travel could open our two lands to the most profitable and profound of trade routes! We shall render the Silk Road obsolete and open a dialogue between East and West that shall forever tilt the balance of power in our favour! We will be lords among lords, kings of the mercantile world! No challenge will ever be beyond our power again! And we must do it quickly, before some filthy Norse dog, filled with low cunning and malice as they ever are, stumbles upon my discovery through no more effort than sheer luck!
Your safe passage would come at the lowest of costs - to act as ambassador to your great merchants and find equitable and profitable trade opportunities for our two lands. With determined effort, we could begin this voyage no later than next Spring! Your home is just beyond the sunset, Zanzibar! Do you wish to be the first to circle the world? I eagerly await your response.
Yours in Earnest
Captain Fjord
dictated to and scribed by his humble servant Bobbers on June 23, In the 8th year of our Independence.
An Egyptian Souvenir for Bobbers
"So Bobbers, how are things?"
"Oh, very well, sir - a touch slow since the departure of Lord Faust, but I have kept myself busy repairing the tower. At your behest, no expense has been spared. I trust you found your chambers in good order?"
"No complaints. You have steered clear of the drink, I trust?"
Bobbers chuckled politely, "Absolutely, sir. But of course ..." And here his gaze lowered in a humbleness I approve, "L-Lord Faust insisted I partake of some bizarre concoction he dreamed up one evening. We were both possessed by powerful spirits that corrupted our senses and abandoned us to dark fantasies! Math have mercy!"
"Never fear. You have exonerated yourself, my good man. You did the right thing twice: first by obeying Faust, and second by confessing your sins to me. In this you have proven yourself twice loyal. And now, " I brushed aside his confession for more pressing matters, "If you'll accompany me to the holding cells?" Bobbers nodded and grabbed a torch off the wall and we trudged downstairs. At present the cell was empty, and yet even here Bobbers had proven his worth as I gazed into the dimly lit chamber with my keen elvish eyes. Nary a cobweb or speck of dust could I find, and the air was fresh with a hint of lemon. It would seem even my future prisoners would be receiving Bobbers' utmost care. I reached carefully into a hidden pocket inside my cloak and pulled out an harmless looking bird.
"Some sort of sparrow, m'lord?"
"A rock swallow, I am told. They are quite common in Africa and can be seen in cities and wilderness alike. It seemed the perfect choice for transformation."
"uhhh ... transformation, m'lord?"
I spared Bobbers a disarming grin as I placed the bird on the cell floor and stepped back into the corridor, slamming the door shut so we could observe through the tiny, barred window. "Bobbers, you are about to meet a very special creature who shall serve us as pet. Are you ready?" Bobbers nodded without taking his eyes off the bird. I waved by hands in the air, recited the incantation and presto! The swallow reverted to its old self: A rather ugly, altogether nasty canine with dripping yellow fangs and four, crazy eyes. Four eyes. Two heads. Bobbers gasped, caught the dog's attention and shrieked when it leaped at him and began furiously scratching at the door that separated the two. "Bobbers, meet Clifford, my big, two-headed, psycho dog."
"Gods of all creation, what a hideous beast! I pity any man forced to be in the same room as him!"
Poor Bobbers, no sense easing him into this one. "Yes, well, congratulations, Bobbers. I expect him to be domesticated by the time I return from my next adventure." The look on his face was indescribable.
"Surely, not me, m'lord! I'm a butler, not an animal handler!"
"As you say, Bobbers. You are the steward of this household. If you think this beast is out of your jurisdiction, then by all means find a trainer. But when I return, he will answer to my commands, or you and Clifford just may share bedchambers henceforth!"
"Yes, m'lord! As you say, m'lord!"
Ahhhhh, obedience: it is the tonic to years of ridicule. And now, I must dictate a letter of special interest to Zanzibar. I may have found a faster route to India which will save him months of travel. But how will he react when I tell him that he is as much from the far West as from the East?
"Oh, very well, sir - a touch slow since the departure of Lord Faust, but I have kept myself busy repairing the tower. At your behest, no expense has been spared. I trust you found your chambers in good order?"
"No complaints. You have steered clear of the drink, I trust?"
Bobbers chuckled politely, "Absolutely, sir. But of course ..." And here his gaze lowered in a humbleness I approve, "L-Lord Faust insisted I partake of some bizarre concoction he dreamed up one evening. We were both possessed by powerful spirits that corrupted our senses and abandoned us to dark fantasies! Math have mercy!"
"Never fear. You have exonerated yourself, my good man. You did the right thing twice: first by obeying Faust, and second by confessing your sins to me. In this you have proven yourself twice loyal. And now, " I brushed aside his confession for more pressing matters, "If you'll accompany me to the holding cells?" Bobbers nodded and grabbed a torch off the wall and we trudged downstairs. At present the cell was empty, and yet even here Bobbers had proven his worth as I gazed into the dimly lit chamber with my keen elvish eyes. Nary a cobweb or speck of dust could I find, and the air was fresh with a hint of lemon. It would seem even my future prisoners would be receiving Bobbers' utmost care. I reached carefully into a hidden pocket inside my cloak and pulled out an harmless looking bird.
"Some sort of sparrow, m'lord?"
"A rock swallow, I am told. They are quite common in Africa and can be seen in cities and wilderness alike. It seemed the perfect choice for transformation."
"uhhh ... transformation, m'lord?"
I spared Bobbers a disarming grin as I placed the bird on the cell floor and stepped back into the corridor, slamming the door shut so we could observe through the tiny, barred window. "Bobbers, you are about to meet a very special creature who shall serve us as pet. Are you ready?" Bobbers nodded without taking his eyes off the bird. I waved by hands in the air, recited the incantation and presto! The swallow reverted to its old self: A rather ugly, altogether nasty canine with dripping yellow fangs and four, crazy eyes. Four eyes. Two heads. Bobbers gasped, caught the dog's attention and shrieked when it leaped at him and began furiously scratching at the door that separated the two. "Bobbers, meet Clifford, my big, two-headed, psycho dog."
"Gods of all creation, what a hideous beast! I pity any man forced to be in the same room as him!"
Poor Bobbers, no sense easing him into this one. "Yes, well, congratulations, Bobbers. I expect him to be domesticated by the time I return from my next adventure." The look on his face was indescribable.
"Surely, not me, m'lord! I'm a butler, not an animal handler!"
"As you say, Bobbers. You are the steward of this household. If you think this beast is out of your jurisdiction, then by all means find a trainer. But when I return, he will answer to my commands, or you and Clifford just may share bedchambers henceforth!"
"Yes, m'lord! As you say, m'lord!"
Ahhhhh, obedience: it is the tonic to years of ridicule. And now, I must dictate a letter of special interest to Zanzibar. I may have found a faster route to India which will save him months of travel. But how will he react when I tell him that he is as much from the far West as from the East?
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